Me? Me. 

I’m fourteen still. I’m a smol bean, but I thought maybe a photo of me would be nice. I’m sure as hell no one I know (that I’m scared of finding out about me) uses Word Press, and if they do I’m sure they’re not on ftm stuff (or are they).

So, yeah. Here’s me. 

SO YEAH HELLO FACE. 

I wore my hair up to church like this once and I was super scared someone was going to try to sacrifice me because everyone is super judgemental there, but then I got home and my confidence was at 563%. It was pretty cool. 

No one gets onto me because they CAN’T. Ha! I’m not “sinning” by wearing a suit vest and tie or by wearing my hair to make it look short, so what can they do? Nothing. Ha. 

Yep, so yeah, I’m proud. A little. 

I try. 

Bye, peoples. 

School…?

Haha, so.. This is a new blog and you don’t know I’m homeschooled (only because I’m skipping a grade is all). However, next year I’m going to an early college (high school and college pretty much, in case you didn’t know). 

I have mixed feelings. My parents/family is Christian so I can’t cut my hair short (my hair is fucking long). I can’t get binders/packers. I CAN’T EVEN WEAR TROUSERS. So. I feel like I might die, but at the same time I think I might be able to find LGBT+ friends (other than my girlfriend and my best friend who is an ally). 

Not to mention since it’s (technically public-charter) a public school, I’m hoping there will be some sort of LGBT+ club/event/sOMETHING I’M LONELY. 

I want to wear my hair up, you know? Hide it with a beanie and look how I feel, but then fUCK. Hello, skirts. I’m so happy my family forces me to wear you! Totally, totally doesn’t cause ANY dysphoria. *sarcastic as I cry*

Hell, I’m nearly fifteen, and when I’m sixteen I’ll have a driver’s licence and be able to go out when I want, work a job without anyone driving me, and that type of stuff. I don’t remember the legal requirements, but if it’s possibly I’m getting my own credit card and fuck yeah I’m buying myself whatever the fuck I want. 

That’s just a year away for me and I have to keep positive. I see other trans people going on because they don’t have enough money for top/bottom surgery, and I get why they’d be upset. However, I’m here and I’m like you can fucking cut your hair and wear trousers. They don’t realise how lucky they are and I don’t want to whine about it. All I have to do is survive until I’m sixteen and I can start going out as a boy, but at home I’d still have to act like a girl. Then, two years after that I’ll be free. 

Stay positive, please. Some of you don’t realise how lucky you are, and I’m so proud of you kind of people. 

I just have to keep positive myself. 

Ugh, God. 

Today’s Sunday. Which means church. Yay. *Sarcasm hint, hint*

Ugh, God (fuck off, please and thanks).

Now, I have nothing against Christians or their religion and beliefs (my family is Apostolic Christians, who believe it’s mandatory to have the Holy Ghost to go to heaven), I just don’t want them forced upon me, but life’s a bitch and apparently wants this for me. Hopefully, it’ll make me more open in my future about these things. 

So, my mother wanted me to wear this dress she got me. It’s a cute dress and all, and some days I don’t mind wearing feminine clothes as much. However, when everyone compliments you on this new dress constantly, it gets a bit dysphoric. 

Not to mention my youth leader forced me to go to the prayer room. There’s nothing wrong with this woman, I know she’s just following what she believes, but shit I don’t want to pray to Jesus

Oh, and then the pastor (who really is quite a lovely man, honestly the only people I hate that are Christian are the jackasses that are like my parents) preaches is this message about – I quote “real men”. I swear to God, I have never heard such a sexist message in my life! I mean, it sounded like a ftm motivational speech which was nice to me, but it still was fucking sexist as hell

I understand it’s Father’s Day, but give women and children their proper respect as well! 

That’s all my ranting for now. 

Goodnight, peoples!

Who am I?

Who am I to myself? To the you? To everyone else?

Well to myself, I’m Andrew, a fourteen year-old boy just figuring out who I am, and that’s what you’ll know me as. Everyone else though? A few know me as Andrew, but most don’t. Most know me as this shy, Christian girl with a low self-esteem, but I’m not. I’m male. I’m me. Elliot. 

My transition into who I am has just begun and I’m not too far into my life yet, but I know – with help from the people I actually love and care about – I’ll be able to through this and live my life to its fullest. 

You just get to tag along and live it with me (if I ever remember to update). 

Have a good day, peoples!